As a child i always believed that your immediate family were always right, that they were always honest and that they would always love you more than anyone else would. I trusted that everything i was told was true, i hoped that family would always stick together and i dreamed that someday my own generation of family would be exactly the same. In the last couple of years i have been looking back at my childhood and the stories i was told and the tales of our families journey and i was amazed to discover that there are really only a handful of people in my immediate family that i can depend on and trust whole heatedly and two main figures stick out in my mind. I cant quite tell if this has come to light because i am living life with my eyes wide open, whether its because other people have pointed out inconsistencies that had previously been kept from me or because i am old enough now to understand that the pain and heartache i felt as a child converts to anger through understanding as you get older.
I’ve become aware that when my Aunt whittered on about my sister someday becoming my best friend, she was completely correct! myself and my sister have our problems and we have our arguments and childhood memories of kicking wars and screaming matches but in July 2016 when i experienced something horrendous she (along with a few others) was by my side 100% she was on the phone she would text and she would call in for updates. If she ever sees this she will kill me but she is by far one of the strongest women i know and im grateful that shes mine,
Im trying not to be too specific here however should the culprit read this they will know who they are. It wasn’t until i witnessed full on family mode from someone else that it dawned on me that i have someone like that in my life too!. I have someone who has always supported my dreams however far fetched, unrealistic or how under-qualified i may be for it haha!. I had someone that made it to all my shows, music related, horse related, nail art related (yes i know its stupid) i had that someone who just wanted the best for me. I have that person now who bails me out when ive made a bad decision, I have someone that empowers me to keep pushing when im ready to give up, i have someone who will fight my corner until the day it naturally comes to an end and i wish i had learned this much earlier in my life but you know what it doesnt matter to them because im happy and thats all this person ever wanted for me.
I met some brilliant people along the way who weren’t my family but felt as good as, they picked up the slack in the departments that i missed out on as a child. Trivial little things like how to fully cook something or how to prepare lamb and turkey. I was even taught how to bake a chocolate cake and how to make sure my washing dries quicker without putting it in the tumble drier for 3 hours. This person also told me more stories than i could ever have hoped to hear about one of my favorite musical gods!. Of course no relationship is always perfect however this particular situation was just an extended lesson that taught me a lot about family dynamics and even myself. I for the first time understood ever step of the way why this was happening. Its protection and that is something i haven’t really been witness too especially in my childhood but that’s due to the fact that the person i had always expected to protect me whilst my dad was out earning a living and making sure that myself and my sister had everything we needed and more did anything but protect and take care of me. Luckily these people that taught me some of these things, are people with hearts and minds that can be spoken to and don’t want to miss out and have negative situations in their life and i find it touching and at the same time strange, it makes me question why there was a loose end in my family life,
So the reason for this blog post was because i wanted to acknowledge the positive influences and personalities in my life after making a huge decision to cut someone out of my life, that in reality should have been taken out years ago. This person never showed any interest in my childhood and even less in my adulthood, this person made my childhood miserable for many years through lies and stories. I missed out on other relationships because of these tales i was told and i reached a point where i realised i couldn’t fix it and honestly i was beyond wanting to fix it so on occasion closing the book was easier than turning the page.
I have always believed that people should be given a second chance and the opportunity to explain there actions or even explain where i went wrong in terms of understanding what they were telling me, however there comes a point where even their explanations were lies and stories and you know that no matter how life should be or how much their love should be unconditional they will always chose someone else over you and you will never be good enough to take a seat in one of their available booths. This is okay because you shouldn’t have to beg someone to be in their life or be a person of interest for them because you are worth a million times more, if you have given them a chance to say their piece and yet you still don’t manage to break down the walls of the real issue then please just close the book and allow the people who have good hearts, good minds and positive energy to enter your life and help you make memories you can look back on and laugh together at. It will make your life much more full-filling.
If someone hands you the metaphorical scissors then cut them out because they are not worth your time and attention.
If you can honestly say you have done everything to have a positive impact on your life with regards to those you struggle with in your life and somehow everything is still your fault then walk away, KNOW YOUR WORTH!
If you haven’t tried everything then don’t give up just yet and try to remember THEIR WORTH, the person you are struggling with may be fighting their way through their own battle and just because you don’t know about it it doesn’t give you the right to right them off as someone who could add more to your life.
Take time to reflect on everything and know your concrete position before getting rid of someone from your life, but also know your boundaries, know how far you are willing to let someone cross the line before you cut them off, understand where you are in life and where you are hoping to get. Surround yourself with positive people but allow room for error because everyone makes mistakes, but when you reach a point where you seriously don’t care anymore don’t force yourself, its not easy but it will make your life much much better.
Good luck to all of you and thank you for taking the time to read my story i really hope this will help some of you in understanding when and how to decide when a relationship whether it be family, friends, romantic or an aquaintance is over and dead in the water.
“Acceptance, Tolerance and forgiveness, those are life-altering lessons”
thanks for reading
until next time
Little ling ling