Girl Talk 101/Ep,3 Consent

Girl Talk 101

Episode 3 Consent

 main consent

What is consent?

Consent is when someone agrees, gives permission or says yes to sexual activities. Consent must always be given freely and all people in sexual situations must feel like they are able to say “yes” “no” and “Stop” at any point leading up to or during all sexual activities.

everything

When should consent be given?

There must be a clear exchange of willing consent every time you are about to engage in something sexual. Its important to know that if you agree to kissing or touching of a sexual nature this does not obligate you to agree to anything more, and you can and should always say No or Stop if you do not want to continue.

Its important to know that consent can only be given by those who are of legal age to be engaging in sexual activities, doing so with someone under the age of consent for someone in your country or in the us- states then you are willingly breaking the law and this will be classed as statutory rape and or sexual assault on a minor.

#getconsent

How do I determine when consent has been given?

In order to determine if someone is giving you consent you must be able to answer these two questions…

  1. Does the person want to give consent? If someone WANTS to consent they will not be in a position where they are being persuaded, encouraged or forced to say yes.
  2. Is the person capable of giving consent? Are they awake? Sober? Substance free? and in a calm healthy state of mind, if someone’s judgement is jeopardised by any of the above the answer is no! if after asking yourself these questions and you have answered either of them with a NO then all sexual activities should be stopped until both questions can be answered yes.

Lastly if you are ever in confused or in doubt to whether or not consent is being given simply STOP and ask. It’s also extremely important that if the person you are with says no or asks you to stop you Must stop immediately it’s not a game or someone playing hard to get it means they don’t wish to engage any further and should you continue you will be in breach of the law and it will be classed as sexual assault or rape.

Last few pointsconsent

  • You are perfectly within your right to change your mind about taking part in sexual activities
  • If someone continues any sexual acts after you have expressed you do not want to GET OUT, leave the situation immediately for your safety.
  • If you are a victim of sexual abuse or rape REPORT IT! It will be difficult but the sooner you report it after the incident the more effective an investigation will be.

To finish off this topic

If you are wish to be sexual with someone else who is legally old enough to consent to sex, they are sober, alert, is substance free and you have both exchanged willing and eager consent then enjoy your sexy time! Be safe and enjoy the magic!

IMPORTANT LINKS

Girl Talk 101/ Ep,1(Periods) – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLBQee9Eewg

Girl Talk 101/Ep,2(Contraception) – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjE6FDXnOk4&t=51s

What consent looks like?- https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent

Sexual consent and the law?- http://pauseplaystop.org.uk/the-law/

Sex and the law?- http://www.fpa.org.uk/factsheets/law-on-sex

Age of consent around the world- https://www.ageofconsent.net/highest-and-lowest

Teen consent 101- http://www.teenvogue.com/story/consent-how-to

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Girl Talk 101- Contraception

Girl Talk 101

Episode 2 Contraception

What is contraception?

Contraception is the deliberate use of artificial methods to prevent pregnancy and in some cases the contraction of STI’s as a consequence of sexual intercourse.

When should you use contraception?

Contraception should be used mainly when you are planning to engage in sexual activities with no intention to conceive, however some methods of contraception can be used before being sexually active in order to help regulate your cycle and potentially lighten the flow of your period.

How does contraception work?

Each method of contraception works differently here are the 4 workings I discovered whilst doing research…

  1. Hormonal- Some of them work by stopping an egg from being released every month
  2. Barrier Method- This method works by preventing sperm from reaching the egg
  3. Sterilisation- This blocks the reproductive function and can be done for both men and women
  4. Hormonal- Prevents a fertilised egg from implanting in the uterus

Contraception methods

The Pill– IMG_3675

The contraceptive pill works by preventing ovulation (which is the releasing of an egg) this means there is nothing to be fertilised and in turn prevents pregnancy. Most birth control pills include synthetic forms of 2 female hormones these are estrogen and progesterone. This pill must be taken daily for 3 weeks, you then have a week break in order to have your period and then once your period has finished you start again. Its 99% effective and will be effective 95% of cases. However be aware that the contraceptive pill will not protect you at all from contracting STI’s. Other things to be aware of… These 6 things can stop the pill from being fully effective.

  1. “detox” tea
  2. Certain anti-biotics
  3. Diet tablets
  4. Constipation medication
  5. Vomiting
  6. Taking it late (inconstancies with time)

The Male Condom- IMG_3674

Male condoms are made of very thin latex that prevents a man’s sperm from coming into contact with his sexual partner, and when used correctly during penetrative sex can protect you from STI’s. If you are allergic to latex you can also buy latex free ones that are made of polyurethane so there is no excuse not to wear them.! Provide 95% protection from pregnancy and STI’s (such as Gonorrhoea, Chlamydia and HIV) You can buy them in different sizes, flavours and textures for whatever activity you want to use them for. Take note that the % of effectiveness is under the condition that a condom is used correctly, improper use of a condom will decrease the effectiveness significantly and therefore its recommended that you use condoms as a combination method. Things to remember about condoms…

  • 18/100 women fall pregnant due to incorrectly using condoms
  • Novelty condoms you find when visiting tourist like shops don’t necessarily protect you from pregnancy or STI’s
  • Remember to consider your partner when using condoms, you may not be allergic to latex but your partner might be and there are alternatives
  • Dental dams are similar to condoms in what they are used for but are a great option if you are a woman having sexy time with another woman
  • Despite what people say wearing a condom will not minimise the sensation of sexual acts, it may feel slightly different but it won’t be game changingly so!

Female Condoms- IMG_3976

Female condoms are worn inside the vagina to prevent sperm from reaching the womb, when used correctly during vaginal sex they help prevent pregnancy and the contraction of STI’s and have been proven to be 95% effective. Female condoms tend to be a little more expensive but they are less likely to break. You can however buy them over the counter the same way you can purchase male condoms. Here are some things to know about the female condom…

  • Female condoms can be fun for foreplay
  • They can increase pleasure for both partners
  • They provide dual protection
  • Female condoms aren’t just for vaginal sex
  • Female condoms can be inserted up to 8 hours before actually having sex
  • They can be used with both oil based and water based lubricants
  • You don’t have to wear both female and male condoms at the same time as this could cause both condoms to split or tear.

Fem Cap- fem cap

The fem cap works by stopping sperm from entering the uterus. Before inserting the fem cap spermicide should be applied to the device in order to create an effective method of preventing pregnancy. This will not provide any protection with regards to sexually transmitted infections therefore its best used as a combination method (Male condoms as well). The cap can be inserted up to 6 hours before sexual intercourse and must be left in for at least 6 hours after sex before removing, it must not stay in for any longer than 48 hours. Here are a few things you should know about the fem cap.

  • The Cap does need to be prescribed
  • It may be less effective if you have previously given birth
  • Increases your risk of vaginal infections
  • Must be worn every time you have sex
  • It can last up to 2 years

IUD/Coil- coil

An IUD is an intrauterine device that is small and usually “T” shaped birth control device that is inserted into the uterus to prevent pregnancy. There are 2 types of IUD

  1. Hormonal IUD
  2. Copper IUD

This is a long-term reversible method of contraception. A hormonal IUD will release a synthetic form of progesterone into the uterus, this thickens the vaginal mucus to stop sperm from reaching the egg. A copper IUD will release copper to act as a spermicide. Its reported to be a good contraceptive option for teens due to it being a long-term solution to pregnancy prevention. Here are a few facts about the IUD or coil…

  • IUD’s start working immediately
  • Some people report periods being heavier and menstrual cramps being worse
  • Hormonal IUD’s can sometimes mean little or no periods
  • Insertion can range from uncomfortable to painful depending on the individual
  • If you are in the U.S you may want to check your insurance as some insurance companies cover you for the coil and others do not
  • It will not protect you from STI’s so use a barrier method as well

The contraceptive implant- implant

The contraceptive implant is a small plastic rod that gets inserted by a medical professional under the skin in your upper arm and works by releasing progesterone to control fertility. The implant is 99% effective and is reported to be 90% more effective than the contraceptive pill. Once inserted the implant may prevent pregnancy for up to 3 years depending on which implant you and your GP discuss. Once again this is a long-acting reversible method. Here are some facts about the contraceptive implant…

  • This will NOT protect you from STI’s
  • It’s a very effective method of contraceptive
  • Great option if you cannot use estrogen as part of your contraception
  • May cause irregular bleeding
  • The implant has to be prescribed

The Contraceptive Sponge- sponge

This form of contraception combines the barrier method with spermicidal methods. This is a specially designed sponge that is inserted into the vagina each time you have sex in order to prevent you from falling pregnant. It works by releasing a spermicide called Nonoxynol-9, that kills or paralyses any sperm that enters the vagina. You may want to know these things before deciding to use this method…

  • Its only 89-91% effective
  • You must wait 6 hours after sex before removing
  • You can’t use this during your period
  • Does NOT protect you from contracting STI’s
  • Its hormone free
  • It’s not messy
  • It can be purchased over the counter

Contraceptive Injection- injection

This method is an alternative to other hormonal contraceptives such as the pill. It is a syringe filled with Depo-Provera and Noristerat that are injected into a muscle in your arm or in your buttocks Or a needle with Sayana is injected under the skin. It works like the implant in the sense that it uses progestogen to stop the monthly release of an egg. Its 99% effective and 1 injection will protect you against pregnancy for either 8,12 or 13 weeks depending on the injection you decide to have. The contraceptive injection will not protect you from STI’s so it’s a good idea to use condoms in combination.

The contraceptive patch- patch

The contraceptive patch is a transdermal patch that is applied to the skin once a week for 3weeks and released a synthetic version of estrogen and progestin to prevent pregnancy. It works by changing the hormonal balance in your body so that your body does not release eggs. It also makes vaginal mucus thicker in order to create a plug at the neck of the womb to make it harder for sperm to reach it. Here are a few facts to help you with your decision…

  • The patch needs to be prescribed by your GP
  • It will NOT prevent you catching STI’s
  • If you weigh more than 198lbs it may be less effective
  • It may delay the return of your natural cycle when you decide to stop using it as a contraceptive
  • Tender breasts and skin irritation are common side effects
  • Some report their periods being lighter and more regular
  • It strengthens bones
  • It can help reduce acne
  • It can help reduce painful period cramps

Emergency Contraception morning pill

Also known as the “Morning after pill” this little tablet is a birth control measure that can be used after unprotected sex has taken place in order to prevent unwanted pregnancy. It can work in 3 ways…

  1. It can stop an egg being released
  2. It can stop sperm from fertilising an already released egg
  3. It can stop a fertilised egg from implanting in the uterus

   There are two emergency contraceptive pills, Levonelle which can be taken up to 72 hours after unprotected intercourse and ellaOne which can be consumed up to 120 hours after unprotected sex. It’s worth noting that the level of effectiveness is higher the sooner it’s taken after such event. Here are some facts and statistics…

  • 95% effective after 24 hours
  • 88% effective after 48 hours
  • 58% effective after 72 hours
  • Stomach ache, nausea, tiredness, irregular menstrual bleeding and headaches are all common side affects
  • Does not affect your fertility
  • GP, Family Planning clinic and in some cases a pharmacy are where you can get an emergency pill

It’s worth knowing that this should not be used as your main method of contraception and should only be used when unprotected sex has taken place in an unplanned or unanticipated situation.

Male and female Sterilization steralization

Sterilization is a surgical procedure that is performed to stop people and animals from producing offspring. For women the procedure involves sealing or blocking the Fallopian tubes which connect the ovaries to the womb, this is usually done under general anesthetic however it can be done under local too. For men it’s called a Vasectomy, this is a minor procedure where the tubes that carry sperm from the testicles to the penis are cut, blocked or sealed this prevents sperm from reaching seminal fluid. It is easier for this procedure to be reversed for men as its quite difficult and invasive to reverse the female surgery. It’s worth knowing that although it can be reversed there is no guarantee that you will be fertile again after this has been done. Sometimes sterilization can be done on the NHS however a reversal surgery will not be covered by the NHS. In most cases its found to be 99% effective however there is a rare chance that it will naturally reverse. Women although you will not be able to conceive naturally after this procedure you will still experience periods on a monthly basis.

Natural Family Planning- natural

 Natural family planning is a collection of methods using signals from your body to determine which days you are most likely to get pregnant. The ovulation method is when you track your cervical mucus throughout your cycle to determine when fertalisation is most likely to occur, the most likely time to fall pregnant tends to be the days just before and just after ovulation takes place and cervical fluid is usually stretchy, clear and slick. You essentially use this information to help you avoid having unprotected sex around this time. Things you need to know…

  • In order for this method to work you need to know your cycle and be quite in tune with your body, if you aren’t this method may not be a great choice for you
  • It can be between 75% and 99% effective depending on which natural family planning method you would like to use
  • This method can also be used to help you fall pregnant should you and your partner decide the time is right
  • You should ideally give yourself 6months to get to know your cycle before enough for this method to be effective
  • Illness, travel, stress and lack of sleep are all factors that can prevent you from getting accurate signals from your body
  • Natural family planning will not protect you from sexually transmitted infections at all!

 

Myths about contraception

  • The pull out method is a reliable form of birth control? False, it’s is possible for liquid to be released from the penis prior to orgasm and this will contain sperm that can impregnate you.

 

  • The only contraception options are the pill and condoms? False, there are loads of different methods for protecting and preventing pregnancy and the contraction of infections and it’s important that you do your research!

 

  • Two condoms are safer than one? Although you would think an extra layer of protection is best it can actually cause condoms to split or break making it overall ineffective.

 

  • You can’t get pregnant if you go to the toilet or shower immediately after sex? This is a huge misconception sperm are very good swimmers and usually by the time you are on the toilet or in the shower the sperm is already on its way to the final destination and nothing will likely stop it.

 

  • It’s alright to reuse a condom if you don’t have another one? ABSOLUTELY NOT both female and male condoms are made to be a one use product, please don’t attempt to wash, dry and reuse!

 

  • Emergency contraception must be taken the “Morning after”? This is untrue the morning after pill has a misleading name as it can be effective up to 3 days after unprotected sex however it will be more effective the sooner it’s taken.

 

  • Condom size doesn’t matter? Although it makes for a great joke its actually very important that you wear the correct condom size as wearing one to small or too big can make it ineffective.

 

  • If you’re breastfeeding you can’t get pregnant? This one isn’t as black and white if you are exclusively breastfeeding then it’s likely that your body will supress the hormones that cause ovulation however it’s not fool proof method and if you supplement with formula it’s not guaranteed at all to work as a form of contraception.

 

  • You have to have had kids in order to get an IUD? False although in the past some IUD’s were more comfortable and easier to insert if you had had children newer devices are smaller and therefore make it easier to be inserted for women without having a prior pregnancy.

 

This blog post has not been written by a medical professional however thorough research has gone into the information provided for you. I do encourage you to speak to your doctor or do your own research before choosing or changing your contraceptive method, there are reliable links provided below to get you to the right place for all your needsJ

HELPFUL LINKS

All methods of contraception- https://www.dred.com/uk/types-of-contraceptives.html

Which method suits me?- http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/contraception-guide/Pages/which-method-suits-me.aspx

Natural cycles- https://www.naturalcycles.com/en?gclid=CjwKEAjwl9DIBRCG_e3DwsKsizsSJADMmJ11nehCvn9VZ8WtxNXztcuACogv9rpsF5Ozl8DwPKizwxoCq9vw_wcB

NHS contraception- http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/contraception-guide/Pages/contraception.aspx

Sexual health- http://www.nhsgrampian.co.uk/nhsgrampian/sexual_health_template.jsp;jsessionid=50F5AF4F12CA13A24FC58B32C100BD37?pContentID=7624&p_applic=CCC&p_service=Content.show&

Contraceptive pill- https://onlinedoctor.lloydspharmacy.com/uk/info/ad/female-contraception?&gclid=CjwKEAjwl9DIBRCG_e3DwsKsizsSJADMmJ11xoTZwDm5oCOjMXyaLMQjFOpKZ6HMtdgdqozcV0F1DhoCD43w_wcB

Condoms and how to use?- http://www.tht.org.uk/sexual-health/Improving-your-sexual-health/Condoms?gclid=CjwKEAjwl9DIBRCG_e3DwsKsizsSJADMmJ11XyDpdSFh-KYvDYK0SfD7t2uxut46kBs0iBxZF_5ADBoC3C_w_wcB

FREE CONDOMS- https://www.mycondom.com/featured/free-condoms?gclid=CjwKEAjwl9DIBRCG_e3DwsKsizsSJADMmJ116y2WuBGYvo_71C7sXT7czYVZHdDbsQZ_oEEuJBt0RRoC9v_w_wcB

Coil and IUD- https://www.dred.com/uk/intrauterine-contraception.html

Family… A 21st Century TABOO!

“There comes a time when you have to choose between turning the page, and closing the book”

As a child i always believed that your immediate family were always right, that they were always honest and that they would always love you more than anyone else would. I trusted that everything i was told was true, i hoped that family would always stick together and i dreamed that someday my own generation of family would be exactly the same. In the last couple of years i have been looking back at my childhood and the stories i was told and the tales of our families journey and i was amazed to discover that there are really only a handful of people in my immediate family that i can depend on and trust whole heatedly and two main figures stick out in my mind. I cant quite tell if this has come to light because i am living life with my eyes wide open, whether its because other people have pointed out inconsistencies that had previously been kept from me or because i am old enough now to understand that the pain and heartache i felt as a child converts to anger through understanding as you get older.

I’ve become aware that when my Aunt whittered on about my sister someday becoming my best friend, she was completely correct! myself and my sister have our problems and we have our arguments and childhood memories of kicking wars and screaming matches but in July 2016 when i experienced something horrendous she (along with a few others) was by my side 100% she was on the phone she would text and she would call in for updates. If she ever sees this she will kill me but she is by far one of the strongest women i know and im grateful that shes mine,

Im trying not to be too specific here however should the culprit read this they will know who they are. It wasn’t until i witnessed full on family mode from someone else that it dawned on me that i have someone like that in my life too!. I have someone who has always supported my dreams however far fetched, unrealistic or how under-qualified i may be for it haha!. I had someone that made it to all my shows, music related, horse related, nail art related (yes i know its stupid) i had that someone who just wanted the best for me. I have that person now who bails me out when ive made a bad decision, I have someone that empowers me to keep pushing when im ready to give up, i have someone who will fight my corner until the day it naturally comes to an end and i wish i had learned this much earlier in my life but you know what it doesnt matter to them because im happy and thats all this person ever wanted for me.

I met some brilliant people along the way who weren’t my family but felt as good as, they picked up the slack in the departments that i missed out on as a child. Trivial little things like how to fully cook something or how to prepare lamb and turkey. I was even taught how to bake a chocolate cake and how to make sure my washing dries quicker without putting it in the tumble drier for 3 hours. This person also told me more stories than i could ever have hoped to hear about one of my favorite musical gods!. Of course no relationship is always perfect however this particular situation was just an extended lesson that taught me a lot about family dynamics and even myself. I for the first time understood ever step of the way why this was happening. Its protection and that is something i haven’t really been witness too especially in my childhood but that’s due to the fact that the person i had always expected to protect me whilst my dad was out earning a living and making sure that myself and my sister had everything we needed and more did anything but protect and take care of me. Luckily these people that taught me some of these things, are people with hearts and minds that can be spoken to and don’t want to miss out and have negative situations in their life and i find it touching and at the same time strange, it makes me question why there was a loose end in my family life,

So the reason for this blog post was because i wanted to acknowledge the positive influences and personalities in my life after making a huge decision to cut someone out of my life, that in reality should have been taken out years ago. This person never showed any interest in my childhood and even less in my adulthood, this person made my childhood miserable for many years through lies and stories. I missed out on other relationships because of these tales i was told and i reached a point where i realised i couldn’t fix it and honestly i was beyond wanting to fix it so on occasion closing the book was easier than turning the page.

I have always believed that people should be given a second chance and the opportunity to explain there actions or even explain where i went wrong in terms of understanding what they were telling me, however there comes a point where even their explanations were lies and stories and you know that no matter how life should be or how much their love should be unconditional they will always chose someone else over you and you will never be good enough to take a seat in one of their available booths. This is okay because you shouldn’t have to beg someone to be in their life or be a person of interest for them because you are worth a million times more, if you have given them a chance to say their piece and yet you still don’t manage to break down the walls of the real issue then please just close the book and allow the people who have good hearts, good minds and positive energy to enter your life and help you make memories you can look back on and laugh together at. It will make your life much more full-filling.

 

If someone hands you the metaphorical scissors then cut them out because they are not worth your time and attention.

If you can honestly say you have done everything to have a positive impact on your life with regards to those you struggle with in your life and somehow everything is still your fault then walk away, KNOW YOUR WORTH!

If you haven’t tried everything then don’t give up just yet and try to remember THEIR WORTH, the person you are struggling with may be fighting their way through their own battle and just because you don’t know about it it doesn’t give you the right to right them off as someone who could add more to your life.

Take time to reflect on everything and know your concrete position before getting rid of someone from your life, but also know your boundaries, know how far you are willing to let someone cross the line before you cut them off, understand where you are in life and where you are hoping to get. Surround yourself with positive people but allow room for error because everyone makes mistakes, but when you reach a point where you seriously don’t care anymore don’t force yourself, its not easy but it will make your life much much better.

Good luck to all of you and thank you for taking the time to read my story i really hope this will help some of you in understanding when and how to decide when a relationship whether it be family, friends, romantic or an aquaintance is over and dead in the water.

“Acceptance, Tolerance and forgiveness, those are life-altering lessons”

-Jessica Lange

thanks for reading

until next time

Love

Little ling ling

xoxoxo